My favorite stuffed animal was (and still is) a pink, beady-eyed teddy bear named Charles. By my side since baby-hood, Charles has heard more secrets, absorbed more tears, and accompanied me on more adventures than any other inanimate friend I've had. For the past few years he's been living a more sedentary lifestyle, quietly perched in a makeshift teddy hammock I have in my bedroom. I still like to bring him down for a quick snuggle every now and then.

I've been at Northern Illinois University since August of last year, and for the most part, I really like it here.

Truthfully, the school has a lot of faults, but I can overlook most of them. The rest I have to bury in denial and self-delusion (safety-schmafety! This is a fine institution of higher learning! I don't regret coming here at all!).

Despite the school's problems, being here provides me with a sense of freedom and independence that I'm still not fully accustomed to, but grateful for. Living away from home and being completely responsible myself has been both a frightening and exciting experience. Fortunately, I've acquired a number of friends who've made adjusting to semi-adulthood all the easier.

Monday was my birthday, and while I'd jokingly hinted to friends about it weeks prior, I really wasn't looking forward to turning 23. I didn't expect much to happen and had every intention to treat the day like any other (though, I did dress up a bit for the occasion). But, lo and behold, everywhere I went I found people wishing me a happy birthday and giving me gifts and trinkets. It ended up being one of the nicest birthdays I had in a long time.

It got me thinking a lot, too. Throughout my college career I've really struggled with accepting the fact that things didn't really go the way I'd originally planned. Many of my classmates from high school have already completed their bachelor's degrees and are going about the rest of their lives. Meanwhile, I'm still in university, striving to graduate by next spring. Over the years I've been trying to embrace "slow and steady wins the race" as my mantra, but it hasn't been easy. If I allow myself to think too deeply about where I am in my life, I get pretty sad.

But by Monday's end I acquiesced that perhaps this is just where I need to be right now. If I had done everything "on time" I wouldn't have met the people that I've befriended or had the experiences that have made this whole college thing enjoyable. I mean, I'm sure I would've made other friends and had other experiences, but they wouldn't have been the same.

I really cherish the spontaneous sing-a-longs in the floor lounge, the long talks I have with my roommate, and the crazy, unplanned misadventures I find myself falling into every other day. They're things I'm sure I'll never forget.

It has been a long time since I posted anything here.

Two years, 11 months, 5 days and 18 hours, to be precise (thank you, Elapsed Time Calculator).

The last time I made an entry, I was a studious, somewhat melancholy 20-year-old with a job. I'm now a studious, somewhat melancholy almost-23-year-old who's been jobless for over a year (mostly by choice, I should add).

There are so many things that have happened in my life over the past three-ish years... Even if I wanted to recap I'd scarcely know where to begin. Though, truthfully, I did make a few attempts. Since last October I've hemmed and hawed over if/when I should make a new post on Livejournal. I was hesitant mostly because I was afraid of once again turning my blog into angst ridden diary full of whining and lamenting.

But, aside from that, I really didn't think anyone I knew was really using this site anymore, especially since the juggernaut known as Facebook took its place on the throne of the Internet kingdom.

But as I've poked around my friends list and some the old communities I used to frequent, I can see that despite social networking trends Livejournal is still chugging along. Good for it.

Anywho, I'm starting to digress. Back to me!

Regarding what I've been up to: there isn't much to say, and there's too much to say. Ya know what I'm sayin'? 

I guess, if I tried to sum up these past three-ish years into a sweet, concise little paragraph it would go something like this: I made some friends, I kept some friends, and I lost some friends. I did things I never thought I'd be able to do (both good and not-so-great), and I learned some very important, at times sobering lessons. I'm still teeter-tottering over what it is I want to do with myself, but gradually I'm making more of an effort not to sweat it so much and take one day at a time.

I hate making promises to myself, mostly because I have a nasty habit of breaking them. So, I'm not going to promise myself (or anyone else who may be reading this) that I'm going to start posting regularly again. However, biting the bullet to sit down and write this has really invigorated me. Maybe in time I'll come to start posting more. And, instead of giving one big large dump of all the more poignant events of my life since 2008, I'll gradually reveal them one by one in smaller vignettes.

I doubt anyone's really going to be following this anyway, but it doesn't really matter. When I write, I write for me.That's one promise to myself that I can keep.

I just couldn't stay in geology for the whole three hours. I had to leave. I was feeling so lethargic, and I felt a headache coming on. . . I just didn't want to stay.

And I don't want to go to my Biology class, but I know I have to. We have assignments to hand in today. I can't afford not to.

I'm supposed to meet with a friend of mine this afternoon at the coffee shop on campus, but I don't know if I feel up to it. Somehow I'm not in the mood for a  caramel cappuccino today.

I think I'd just like to go home . . . .

This is just charming. I took the day off from work with the intention of going to see a friend of mine at her school. The organization she's a part of is hosting an event showcasing African culture. I thought if I made it early enough I could have gotten to see her before the show. My only hope for transportation was a girl I went to school with. At first I thought getting there would be a shoe-in, but the girl told me that she and some of her friends planned on spending the night on campus. I can't do that. I have to be at work tomorrow morning at eight . . . *sigh*

Anyway, I gave up and decided to just stay behind.

The only reason I was so eager to go was because I wanted to see my friend. This is her last year at the university she attends, then she's off to Med-school. I didn't get to see her at all in 2007, so I was determined to do all I could to keep 2008 from being a repeat. But then, I suppose the year isn't over yet. Surely other opportunities will arise . . . . .

I'm following the news right now. There was a gunman at Northern Illinois University who opened fire at a class in a lecture room. I'm not sure how far he traveled and how many people he shot in all, but two people are down and being sent to the nearest hospital. Fifteen more will be sent there shortly, though whether or not their injuries are gun-related still hasn't been clarified.

The gunman has been pronounced dead--apparently the police took him down.

I have a few friends who go there, and right now I'm very worried about them. I just hope they're okay . . . .

Update:

Five people, including the gunman, have been pronounced dead (it turns out that the gunman took his own life). Six people are in critical condition. Thankfully, all of my old classmates are safe. But my heart goes out to the friends and families of the victims.

I could go into a long explanation of why I haven't posted in so long and whatnot, but I'm too lazy for that. Just participate in the meme, friends.

1) Are you currently in a serious relationship?
A.

2) What was your dream growing up?
A.

3) What talent do you wish you had?
A.

4) If I bought you a drink what would it be?
A.

5) Favorite vegetable?
A.

6) What was the last book you read?
A.

7) What zodiac sign are you?
A.

8) Any Tattoos and/or Piercings? Explain where.
A.

9) Worst Habit?
A.

10) If you saw me walking down the street would you offer me a ride?
A.

11) What is your favorite sport?
A.

12) Do you have a Negative or Optimistic attitude?
A.

13) What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me?
A.

14) Worst thing to ever happen to you?
A.

15) Tell me one weird fact about you.
A.

16) Do you have any pets?
A.

17) What if i showed up at your house unexpectedly?
A.

18) What was your first impression of me? (hmmm...careful!)
A.

19) Do you think clowns are cute or scary?
A.

20) If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?
A.

21) Would you be my crime partner or my conscience?
A.

22) What color eyes do you have?
A.

23) Ever been arrested?
A.

24) Bottle or can soda?
A.

25) If you won $10,000 today, what would you do with it?
A.

27) What's your favorite place to hang at?
A.

28) Do you believe in ghosts?
A.

29) Favorite thing to do in your spare time?
A.

30) Do you swear a lot?
A.

31) Biggest pet peeve?
A.

32) In one word, how would you describe yourself?
A.

33) Do you believe/appreciate romance?
A.

35) Do you believe in God?
A.

36) Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same for you?
A.

Merry Christmas, everyone! And as my friend likes to say: "Don't forget that He is the reason for the season!"

Wow. The whole area is covered in a blanket of snow, and the flurries are still coming down . . . I'm not looking forward to the drive to school today.

Very pretty to look at, though. ^_^

So, I was on my way to class this morning (my mom gave me a ride today). When we stopped at a traffic light, I noticed that someone had honked their horn. However, I hadn't noticed that it was directed at us--or rather--I wasn't sure if it was directed at us. However, moments later I noticed a gray and silver Range Rover pull up beside us. Strangely enough, the driver (some white guy) was smiling at me from his car-door window. I kind of smiled back, out of confusion. The driver kept peering back at me and smiling. Even after traffic started moving again, he still glanced over at me from time to time. Even my mom noticed. We traveled on the same route for a long while, but eventually we parted ways.

This little encounter has left me scratching my head all day. I mean, really . . . Who was that guy? Judging by the way he looked at me, it would seem as though he knows who I am. Meaning that the following are possible:

A) He's actually a friend of mine who I didn't recognize.

B) He's a random guy who had mistaken me for someone else.

C) I have a new stalker!


In a way, I hope it wasn't a friend of mine. He might think that I was snubbing him. And if that were the case I'd feel awful.